A Comedic Take on What to Know Before Renting a Truck

Who knew that renting a truck could be a source of comedy? We've put together a guide that uncovers the lighter side of this seemingly straightforward task. Whether it's the oddball features you'll find in different truck models or the comedic elements of trying to park a behemoth, our guide aims to make your truck rental experience a memorable and amusing one.

1. Monsters

Before you move any items into the moving van, you want to check every nook and cranny for monsters. You just never can be too careful.

2. How Fast Can It Go

We've got places to, people to see. It isn't like a moving van hauling down the road 100 MPH is going to attract any attention from the five-0 or anything. Amiright or amiright?

The Suspension Will Betray You: Unloaded box trucks use stiff leaf-spring suspensions. Potholes send jolts straight into the cab. Once the truck is loaded, the ride becomes noticeably smoother. Many renters assume something is wrong before realizing this behavior is normal.

The Cab Is Not Soundproof: Cargo trucks lack the insulation that passenger vehicles have. Wind noise above 55 mph often rises beyond safe listening levels on long drives. As a result, podcasts become hard to understand, and conversations turn into shouting within 20 minutes.

3. Is it as Big as Your Ego

Just like everything in life, the bigger the better when it comes to picking out your moving van. Doesn't matter if you only own a handful of crappy IKEA furniture and toiletries, you don't want a sissy little girlie moving van.

Bigger trucks do more than feel intimidating. They handle differently on the road. A longer wheelbase increases the turning radius, causing the truck to swing wide in corners. The rear overhang continues to move after the cab stops turning. This is why trucks clip poles and fixed objects in tight turns. Taller box heights make it harder to judge low clearances. Parking garages leave little room for error. Each extra foot of truck length adds more stress in tight spaces.

4. Fueled with Dreams and Butterflies

They want to charge you for fuel? And by the mile? Who does this moving truck rental service think they are anyways?

Most rental contracts define “full” as a specific fuel gauge position, not a visual estimate. Many analog gauges sit above empty longer than expected due to float lag. Returning it “basically full” often still triggers a fuel surcharge at a per-gallon rate higher than nearby gas stations.

5. How to Park a Moving Van (LOL!)

Okay, we've seen how you park your Honda Civic. You thought no one was watching that hot mess? Parking a moving van, especially in front of your new apartment in the middle of city should be a hell of a good time. Let us know how that goes for you.

Mirrors Lie About Distance: Flat side mirrors on box trucks are designed to reduce blind spots, not to judge distance. Objects appear farther away than they are. This makes curbs, poles, and parking garage entrances appear misleading.

Most moving trucks use a recirculating-ball steering system rather than a rack-and-pinion system. This setup causes noticeable play in the steering wheel. New drivers often overcorrect, which makes lane control look worse than it is.

6. You Wanna Use Dollie?

That's Gonna Cost Ya Extra. Moving vans don't necessarily come with all the padding, dollies and moving accessories that you want them too- at least not without paying an extra fee. I mean, what do I look like to you a charity or a business? You can't get a free ride with Dollie without paying for her time! Wait, what were we talking about?!

The Ramp Is Steeper Than It Looks: Loading ramps are engineered for strength, not for how the body moves. The incline often feels steeper than most people expect, especially on smaller trucks. That’s why dressers suddenly feel twice as heavy once you’re halfway up.

7. No Reservations!

Don't worry about the specific size of truck that you want to reserve, because we're sure that one moving van the company saved you will be the exact right size.

A reservation means a truck should be available, not that the exact size will be waiting for you. If smaller trucks return late or depart earlier that day, you receive an upgrade, whether you want one or not. This is how someone moving a studio apartment ends up driving a truck built for a small orchestra.

8. Book it Last Minute

Procrastination just makes everything in life a lot more exciting. Wait until the day before moving day to rent a moving truck. Or even better wait until the day of moving day just to see what happens. Got to get your kicks somewhere!

Last-minute bookings shrink your options quickly. Earlier reservations get first access to smaller trucks. Larger models become the default fallback. Pickup lines grow longer. Paperwork moves more slowly. Each delay adds stress before you have even touched a box.

9. Return What?

You mean you have to return the moving van afterwards? There isn't a *fill in the rental truck company* for hundreds and hundreds of miles.

Most rentals require you to return the truck to a specific location, not any place that feels convenient. Dropping it off somewhere else can trigger extra charges or extend the rental time while the company moves the truck back. This is why the final miles of your move feel casual while the billing feels serious.

10. Tissue Box

For the mental breakdown you are inevitably have along the course of moving from your new home to the next. Although most of the time, the moving trucks do not come equipped with a tissue box, so you may have to get your own.

The Emotional Crash Hits After: Stress hormones stay high during the drive and unloading. After the truck is empty and returned, adrenaline levels drop quickly. This explains why emotional breakdowns often happen after everything is technically done.

Insurance Is a Riddle: Coverage options get explained fast, often while you nod and pretend to listen. Damage waivers, liability coverage, and personal insurance overlap, making them difficult to distinguish under time pressure. Most confusion stems from not knowing what you already have versus what protects the truck, making the choice feel harder than it needs to be.